Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
