I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
