note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
