Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
