I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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