he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
