you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
