it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
