He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize