dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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