so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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