meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
only you would photoshop your dick
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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