i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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