Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
