Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
