I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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