Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
