Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
