he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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