She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
