he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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