CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
