just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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