I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
