Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
