watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
