I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
