I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
