I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
