Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
