god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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