Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
