Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
