In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
