ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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