On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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