you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
