hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
