I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the night ended with taco bell and tears
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
