I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
