And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
