just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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