I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
