I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
