i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
