At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
