Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
