he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
