OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
