Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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