it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
