i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
