wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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