You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
