is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you inspire me to be a worse person
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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