I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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