you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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