Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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