listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize