I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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