I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
