I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize