Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
