i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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