every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
