I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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