Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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