i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
