She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
