Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
