He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
