ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I checked into jail on foursquare
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
